I would like to share some of my experiences when I was a child growing up. Some of mine might be different from others but in that society everything was pretty much a “cookie cutter”. I was born in the Soviet Union, behind the “Iron Curtain”. Women and men were supposed to be equal. Everybody had to work!!! If you are a housewife, you are a waste of space for society. You are useless in building a “bright future in the best country in the world”.
I and both of my sisters started going to government operated day care at the age of 2. And it was not for a couple of hours a day. It was the whole day – 8 hours! We knapped there, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. We didn’t even have to eat at home!!! The food was not always great but you had to eat or you would be punished.
I do not have memories of my parents when I was little. I do not remember my mom.
All I remember – how much I hated that day care and my mentors there. They didn’t have the love for children at all. But my parents couldn’t complain, because the system has created this mess and all the day cares were the same.
Writing this brings tears to surface. I feel the pain that was hidden for years.
Even my husband doesn’t know anything about this… And I myself try not to recall those moments.
Women with 3 and more children were considered super women and Mothers – heroines. And my mom was one of them. Mostly women didn’t dare to give birth to more then one child, a maximum of two!
Being a woman, being a mother was not in fashion, they were not appreciated in that society.
But I feel now that my pain is on the surface, it is very healing. I can let it out! I can let things go!
When we see the source of our pain we are already half way to success.
After the never ending day care there was school, where some teachers were the same. Cold, result-oriented, and very often not happy with themselves. Some teachers were wonderful, loving and caring. Of course as a child I didn’t understand it. I thought this is a life and everybody has to go trough it the way it is.
I was taught that I have to become successful. I have to become a valued member of the Communist Society. I had to be great! I had to be extraordinary, but at the same time, I couldn’t break the rules of society.
Fortunately the whole system has collapsed.
I started to work when I was 18 years old full time until I moved to the US. I also got Master’s degree in Sociology going to evening school after work.
My father and my mother are separated. My father still helps my mom but not much. I was the one who was taking care of my mom and two of my sisters. One of my sisters has 3 kids and no husband. So life was very taugh. Fortunately I was very successful and was making good money. I was always tired. I didn’t have a hobby and I didn’t even think about it. I was thinking this was my life and I just had to move on. I travelled a lot and saw very different cultures. I was mesmerized by Nepal, Italy, Thailand, Combodia and many other places… I saw completely different lives. I saw happy people around the world.
After my first marriage didn’t work out I didn’t want to marry again for long time… And honestly I was kind of happy. When I look at myself in those days, I see me and I want to give myself a huge hug! My heart was closed. I was broken
I started to read books and articles of Vedic Teachers about 5 years ago. I was in Russia. And I am so happy I did! I have realized everything that happens in our life, we have attracted it ourselves. I didn’t believe that I could rely on a man at all. And life was supporting my point of view and was giving me men who were exactly like that! Irresponsible, dishonest, married. Life in a bigger city was so fast so I did not even have time to ponder where I was going…
Everything happens with a reason…
Thank you Dear God for my mistakes! Thank you Dear God for things I didn’t have or didn’t get.
I have everything I need. I always had it.
I am still changing; I am still taking my first steps on my femininity path…
Before we got married my husband bought a house above his means of income. We still pay debts from this decision … But I do not try to take a lead and make more money. Frankly I do not make any money at all. If we want to have a vacation – we save for it. I trust that my husband can make things work… I TRUST life! I TRUST God! I have decided that I had to be a good wife no matter what life has for us. I have realized that my responsibility as a wife is to learn how to live on money my husband makes.
Doing the dishes is not just a chore
In my house I do all the women’s responsibilities. I do not allow my husband to do the dishes. When I am doing the dishes I am often praying in my mind for his safety and success, I am sending the light from my heart to my family, which is so far a way. I am praying for my sisters to find good husbands. I am praying for my sisters to learn to attract positive and happy people. I thank God every single day for everything that he has given us. So I do not look at doing dishes as if it is just a chore. It is not. When I am doing the dishes or washing the floor I am thinking that with the dirt I am washing away all the troubles and unfortunate things. If we, women are doing the dishes with love – it makes our family stronger
Things started to change – My husband was offered a promotion! Very soon we will have financial independency.
I am a woman and my main job is to be a Woman with a capital “W”. And everything else is after. I am a woman who is inspiring and loving. I am a woman who is accepting and believing. The Universe has ears and my positive energy and prayers saved my marriage and it could have saved yours. I have opened an unlimited source of feminine energy and creativity. I dedicate my time to my family first. I am planning to become a successful mother, yoga teacher, artist and a writer. Just taking small careful steps…
I wish Happiness to you!