“Falling in love for a man takes a million times more energy and resources than just “sex”, that’s why men don’t fall in love just with anyone.” says Renee Wade – an amazing woman and the founder of TheFeminine Woman.com
I have subscribed to her emails and this morning I found an educational story in my inbox I must share with you. it is about our favorite subject! Understanding men! is not it? 🙂
She says: “It’s probably not news to you that a large proportion of men out there are looking for sex. (It’s a man’s default “setting”, or his most “primitive” instinct)
Now it’s easy for us women to see that and generalize that men “JUST” want sex…
But that’s completely not true.
The truth is this… men go for their “default setting” because it’s easy and instinctive… but if something triggers them to fall in love, then they will drop their “default setting”.
So here is the true story as Renee shared with me with her own words:
“Recently, a well known boxer family friend of mine Dayne called me and told me he was ready to pick out a ring for his girlfriend whom he had been with for 8 months.
Because he was always a well known trouble maker and womaniser, when he called me and told me, I almost accidentally spat out the green tea I was drinking, and I froze in surprise.
I’ve known this guy since we were born, practically. I have video footage of him and jumping in a jumping castle, he is wearing little blue overalls, and (giggles) carrying his favorite teddy tucked in to his overalls. He was about 3.
I always make fun of him about this. He hates it.
Anyway, after he called, I had to see him. I hadn’t seen him in roughly a year.
So the next week, we met up to share a burger and chips at a well known place here in Australia.
I walked in, saw him sitting at the table nearest to the entrance and walked up and gave him a hug.
I just stopped in my tracks, I think it took me about a whole minute to finally sit down and stop staring at his eyes.
I must have looked so shocked,like a stunned mullet. He was clearly different. His eyes had this sparkle in them and he seemed drunk. I asked him if he was hungover, after all, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had said he was.
He said no.
Then this smile spread across his whole face and he said sit down, do you want a drink? I’m like, “no, you have to tell me the reason behind this smile on your face!”
He said, I told you, I want to buy my girlfriend Amy an engagement ring. I need your help. I said fine, but c’mon, what’s happened? I’ve NEVER seen you like this before!
He laughed and said, yeah, that’s what everyone is saying to me. They think I’m pulling a prank when I say I want to buy Amy an engagement ring.
Just then he looked away, called the waiter over and ordered a burger with the lot and a salad on the side.
My friend Dayne is a big guy. 6 foot 2, big arms, 6 pack, good looking and very masculine. Just think somewhere in between Sean Connery and Vin Diesel.
And my goodness, has he been around!
Picking up girls every weekend. He’d have sex with everything from just one woman, to threesomes and foursomes.
He used to have a “girlfriend” who was semi steady. He told her at the start of their little ‘relationship’ “you’re a Monday to Thursday girl.”
She stuck around with him for a while, until, I imagine, she got sick of waiting for him.
Years ago, we use to argue about this promiscuity. I wanted him to find a relationship that was “fulfilling”, but he just kept telling me no girl was worth it. So we agreed to disagree.
I still loved him no matter what. He’s like a brother to me, and if ever anyone was in my way, he’d offer to bash them up.
I once said to him: “you need to find a woman with the whole package. A woman that challenges you, but that also makes you want to take care of her for life.”
He’d always tell me in response “yeah but where the hell do I find a girl like that?!”
I told him to not settle for low quality women. He listened, but I don’t think he understood what I meant.
So as we were waiting for our burger, I looked him in the eyes and said “what has happened! Who is she?”
He paused for what seemed like a minute, with this dreamy look in his eyes. I had to convince myself he wasn’t drunk or hungover.
He finally said: “Renee, no one compares. Every other woman I’ve dated like a piece of s*** on my shoes compared to her.”
“All I can think about is how to put a smile on her face.”
“I hate to say it, but I’m in trouble. I can’t even bear to look at another woman. On Saturday I was out with my mates, watching my good friend inhis first fight, and after the fight was over, girls were practically shovving their breasts in my face and trying to grind on me, and I just wanted to throw up. My best mate punched me one and told me to wake the hell up. And what was wrong with me.”
I remember my mouth opening so wide in surprise, hearing him say this.
Here was my good friend and brother Dayne, a man who had slept with (I’m not kidding), over 200 women, telling me he couldn’t bare to even look at another woman.
Then he said, “I’ve got to find her the perfect ring, which is where I need your advice.”
I’m like “sure, but not until you tell me how this happened!”
So I proceeded to ask him what was it? Was it that his girlfriend Amy waited to sleep with him? Was she just particularly good looking or beautiful or what?
He said “nope. We slept together I think within 2 weeks of meeting. And she’s even a bit chubby.” I said: “so, what makes you suddenly want to marry THIS woman?”
He said, “You know, I’ve had this conversation with myself before. I never thought I’d ever want to marry any woman. The thought of it used to make me think I wouldn’t be able to be a man anymore.But now, all I want to do is marry Amy and take
care of her! Even fighting isn’t that important anymore. I could literally never have another fight in my life, just for her.”
All I could say in response at that point was ‘Wow’.
After all, this was coming from a full on womaniser. Women everywhere hated him.
So I said, well, I am incredibly happy for you!
And then, we sat in silence for a while, and after our meal came and we started eating, I said: “there has to be something that makes Amy different.”
And he said “yeah but I dunno what it is. I didn’t even know I’d be interested in a woman like Amy. When I try to think about why I am so in love with her, I have no idea why.”
Then he said, “but all I can think of is how she makes me feel.”
So I said: “Are you sure you’re not just gonna up and leave her in a few years and start sleeping around again?”
He looked at me, somewhat annoyed, and said; ‘no! Of course not!”
“You know, every other girl I ever had a short term relationship with, or even just had sex with, would go out of her way to try to make me happy and do what I wanted.
They would seem to go back to their lives, but even if I couldn’t see them, I just KNEW they were still hanging around. It’s like they were WAITING for me or something.”
And every other girl I ever had a relationship with, would know I was cheating on her, or know that I was not committed, but still hang around and try to get me to like, I dunno, LOVE them or something.
I nodded, and said I understood, because I saw women around me do this every single day.
And so I kept pressing, I said “ok, but what exactly makes Amy the one you want to be with forever?”
And he said: “I don’t know. I’ve had prettier. But when I’m with her, I just want to look at her. Be with her. There was something about every other girl who had been in my life that I just got totally bored with. We’d go out, and there would be girls hanging off me and I’d talk about how hot all these other girls were around them, and they didn’t say anything or seem to have any fight in them, y’know. They’d act like they didn’t mind.
They’d pretty much hang around in my life, as I said, I think, trying to get me to love them, and if I ever asked them how they were, they’d say: “yeah yeah I’m great!” and I’d say something like: “is everything ok?”
And they’d say: “yeah, everything’s fine!”
But the weird thing was, I knew that everything was fine, but it’s like, they wouldn’t let me in.
But with Amy, she’s completely real.
The one time I stepped out of line with her, I didn’t take her out on a date like I said I would, I didn’t go pick her up for a movie one Saturday night. I was down about losing two fights in a row.
I had done this before to a tonne of women, and they seemd fine with it, some of them just smsed me pestering me about when I was going to be there to pick them up, some of them turned up at the place and waited for me.
With others, I’d email them the next day apologising, and they’d be like that’s cool. And I’d suggest another day, and they’d always say yes.
But the one time I did this with Amy, about 6 months ago when we first started dating, she actually came to my door, and said: “we had a date. Why didn’t you call me? What’s going on? How did the fight go?”
So I said to Dayne, “Oh. Was she a bitch about it all?”
And he said: “nah, but if she was, I wouldn’t have minded.”
I asked him why.
He said: “because, she was standing up for herself. And, at the same time, for the first time, I felt like a girl I dated actually openly showed me that she had emotions, that I had hurt her. It’s like, I dunno, she didn’t pretend everything was ok. She was ok with being a woman, y’know?”
I nodded, and smiled at him, with tears in my eyes.
The he told me all he wanted to do was take care of her for the rest of his life.
I looked at him and smiled again.
The he said something very interesting. He said:
“And I guess, that was the first time I’d ever dated a girl that actually cared about ME. She asked about my fight. She showed up at my door.
She wasn’t just there to try to fake her way to a relationship with me. And she cared enough to be open and real to me about how she really felt about me having stood her up.
She didn’t do what all the others did.
I asked him: “what did all the others do?”
They’d pretty much just shut up and pretend everything was ok, and then go bitch about me to all her girlfriends and my friends behind my back, about how much of a dumb prick I was, and then I’d find out about it a week later, and all the women would start to hate me.
None of the others really felt to me like they were women. They were more like guy friends, sometimes dressed as women.”
He looked down, and as he was eating, he paused, with a look of satisfaction and thoughtfulness in his eyes.
I was deep in thought myself, but eventually I said to him: “she was open to you.”
He looked at me, a bit confused at first. He stopped chewing the food in his mouth.
Then he said: “yes”.”
the end of the story.
Renee is offering a beautiful program of Understanding Men goes over 2 weeks
and as one of her customers stated… “This is the training that EVERY women needs to go through”.
So if you want to understand everything about what a man is thinking about, feeling about and why he does what he does, then you might want to consider this training. 🙂
I am happily married women and my marriage is thriving but I am going to consider that program for myself very soon just to know better to understand my husband better! Why? Because there is no limit in self-development and because our happiness as individuals is self-mastering. It might help me to understand men in general better, not just my husband but my father, my male friends, any man I will get in contact with!
So here is the link to that program: